Prompt: Name a time that
you were very surprised. Write a story about what happened that
- There have been lots of times that
I have been very surprised. But the one time I remember the best
was one Christmas when I got my first kitten
- It was Christmas Eve morning.
There was a slight breeze in the house. I woke up humming gracefully.
I walked to my window and peeked out. Snow was falling softly,
landing on the ground making white hills. I sighed. Christmas
was the next day. I couldn't wait for Santa to come and place
presents under the tree. Christmas Day was such a wonderful day.
- That night my brother, sister,
and I got a plate out from the cabinet and put cookies all around
it. We put a halfway filled glass of milk in the middle for Santa.
We added carrots on another plate for the reindeer. After that
I changed into my pj's and my dad tucked me into bed.
- The next morning was Christmas!
I went into my brother and sister's room to wake them up. Then
I woke my parents up. We all went downstairs. When I got in the
living room I saw shining presents everywhere! I ran to my presents
and got the stuff out of my stocking. I sat down to play with
them. As I started playing, I noticed a shiny blue present with
holes in it behind the tree. I crawled behind the tree and picked
it up. It had my name on it. I put it in my lap and sat on the
couch and tore off the wrapping paper. It was a box. When I opened
the box lid out jumped an orange striped kitten with big, round,
blue eyes. It had a blue ribbon around its neck. The ribbon matched
its eyes. It started licking me. I was very surprised. I thanked
Santa a million times and went to my room to think of a name
for it. I sat on my bed and put the kitten next to me. I stared
at me with its big eyes. Then it crawled into my lab and started
to purr. It liked me a lot. I decided to name the kitten Lovely
because she loved me so much. I picked her up and played with
her until dinnertime. She was really fun to play with. At nighttime
when my dad tucked me in I asked him if Lovely could sleep with
me. He said yes and put her next to me on my bed. She put her
paw on my heart and purred. Soon I fell asleep. So did Lovely.
- And that was a time that I was
very surprised. I got Lovely as a kitten, and I still have her.
She is now a mother of three baby kittens. All with big, round,
blue eyes-just like their mother. THE
Score Point 4:
Sample Personal Narrative
Home Page --- Personal Narrative
Menu --- Imaginative
The response is focused on the topic
and progresses logically from beginning to end. The student has
chosen relevan and specific details as support, and th ecomposition
is unified throughout. There are strengths in all four composing