Prompt: Name a time that
you were very surprised. Write a story about what happened that
The Magnificent Surprise
- One bright sunny day I was sitting
on my couch watching t.v. I looked out the window and saw a truck
pull up in the driveway. The truck had a shiny white, and blue
trailor behind it. I figured they were just turning around.
- All of a sudden I heard the doorbell
ring. I got up and opened the door. There was a tall man in a
blue suit at the door. He asked "if he could see my dad."
I told him, "I would go and get him." My dad came to
the door. They talked for quite a while.
- I was very curious to know what
they were talking about. Before I knew it they had gone outside.
My dad called me and "told me to come here." When I
got outside I saw my dad holding on to a horse. I loved horses.
All my life I had wanted one, I figured the man had come to get
his horse a shot or a checkup. My dad said, "this horse
is for you. I couldn't believe it. I figured my ear's were playing
tricks on me, but they weren't. The man gave us the saddle, briddle,
holter, and lead rope. Then he left. I very surprised. The horse's
name is Toby. He is brown, with a few white spot's on him, and
a golden blonde maine and tail.
In conclusion I felt extremly good
when I recieved the horse. It was a total surprise. That was the
best surprise I could have ever recieved.
Score Point 3:
Sample Personal Narrative
Home Page --- Personal Narrative
Menu --- Imaginative
This response establishes an evenly
elaborated sequence of events leading up to the revelation of
the surprise (getting the horse). The writer does a nice job of
building suspense throughout. However, there is a minor weakness
at the end of the paper when the writer slips out of the narrative
"the horses name is Toby