Prompt: Name a time that
you were very surprised. Write a story about what happened that
- One day I was surprised. I was surprised
on my birthday. It was July 28, 1995. My friends came over. My
friends are Ashley, Ashley, Heather, and Casey. They are girls.
- Then we played Bingo. We played
for dolles. My friend Kim came late. When she go there we whent
and jumped on my trampaleen. My mom pop 6 bags of popcorn. We
lied down on the trampaleen and talk about our club we had.
- Next we talked about boys. We
got of. We went in side and ate lunch. We ate soup. We
got threw. Got are swiwing-soups on and got in the pool.
- Finaly we swam in the pool tille
super. We ate hotdogs. We wached TV. It was time to got to bed.
My dad said I was having a sleepover. Then some ovey my friends
sleap on the flor and my waterbed.
- I feel good for my friends to
surprise me on my birthday. We will be friends forever. I was
happy. My friends are happy too.
Score Point 2:
This response exhibits a weak command
of narrative writing. The response is focused and establishes
a progression of vents but has a list-like quality.
· Tells a story-----friends come
Sample Personal Narrative
Home Page --- Personal Narrative
Menu --- Imaginative
· Starts strong, ends weak - lists
· Don't see any surprise in writing
· Gaps in sequencing